Craving Painting and Hating
by LaunderedLaundry
Summary: This is more of a soliloquy by Gamzee, takes place in the 3-year span on the meteor. This is more than likely going to be a one-shot. Mild Gam3Tav, GamKar, and implied Gam3Dave Enjoy !


I woke up tonight with a wicked headache and a twitch in my left eye. This is as motherfucking normal as my evenings get, when I'm not on that motherfucking POISON. It's been motherfucking ages since I've seen anyone down here besides Tavbro, but thinking about it now he doesn't motherfucking count. I'll walk around this bit of the ship all night and sometimes all morning, but on this motherfucking rock there's no way to tell what time it is.

I think that there are only a few things I wish I had.

One of them is being able to go topside where all the other fuckers are. I know that my palebro's cool with me but it's everyone else I'm all up and worried about. Nepeta was a bitchtits little troll, if she hadn't gotten in my motherfucking way and Equius was the only one, I could just deal with it like everyone else. Try to motherfucking pretend that everything bitchtits and we were back on Alternia.

But we're not.

Almost every day now, I wake up thinking about tearing open every last one of those motherfuckers upstairs and painting the walls with their blood. Once the craving got so bad and I went to one of the upper floors for Nepeta's paint set. I really didn't want to go back to that place, but either that or try to numb it with spoor I didn't motherfucking have.

I remember going up some stairs and around a bend, and that's when I saw the remains of that chess-piece thing I beat down that night. I remember finding a bow and some arrows in a chest that was around for no good motherfucking reason, and took that two headed giant down. I cringed when I found the spot where Nepeta and Equius' headless bodies where. I looked up and found the grate Nepeta came out of and after crawling for a while I found her respiteblock.

On the far side of the wall I saw her paints and ran towards them. I tried to ignore the walls because I knew they wouldn't help how I was feeling. I had the paints in my hand, and when I captchalogued them, I heard some voices on the other side of the door.

One of them was definitely Karkat. He was yelling about how they needed to move "ALL THIS SHIT THAT'S BLOCKING THE FUCKING DOOR". I started to freak out. I turned around,and one of nepeta's drwings caught my attention. Tavros was in it but it after a second of looking at it I realized why I should have never looked away from the paints.

Nepeta shipped that LITTLE MOTHERFUCKING HUMAN SHIT with Tavbro in Redrom. MOTHERFUCKING REDROM. I crawled back to the hallway, grabbed that bitch by the tail, and dragged her to my respiteblock. I wanted to rip some motherfucker up and paint with their blood. And you can believe I _tried_.

It had been such a long time since I killed her that her blood had all hardened up. I didn't get to paint that night, but I still had some motherfucking fun tearing her to shreds. A few nights later when I was feeing the need to get my paint on, I got that paint set from my sylladex, and smeared some of it on the wall behind Tavbro. Something about it just felt wrong. Like drinking Diet Faygo when you know that the real stuff is a motherfucking miracle.

The second and only other thing I wish I had was Tavbro.

Way before it happened I had this crazy dream; and it showed me how I found Tavbro dead. 'Course I didn't want to think about it, so I did what every motherfucker does when they're messed up by something random; I "forgot" about it.

Instead of worrying about Tav, I shoved the idea to the back of my thinkpan. Whenever I found myself thinking about it once and a while I'd send a prayer to my mirthful messiahs for a safe trip, and take a mouthful of sopor.

The crazy thing about sopor is that when you go under, you have no idea what kinds of motherfucking visions you'll have. Even when you think you've got a bitchtits trip, something that's been eating at you will motherfucking show itself and turn your wicked journey sour.

I think about how I could've stopped Tav from dying, and sometimes I talk to him. I've kept his head in ok condition, it's a real shame that I can't motherfucking hold him anymore. I wasted so much motherfucking time with that stupid game we were playing, and should have spent more time with him.

I wish I had motherfucking told Tavros how I felt towards him when I had the motherfucking chance.


End file.
